If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
