Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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