I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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