Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
