He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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