My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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