you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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