i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
