So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
