Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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