it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
