I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
