Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize