the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
