He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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