You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
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stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
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Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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