im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
