I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
