I just threw up on my dentist
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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