Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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