i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
