It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
