if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
