It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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