we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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