and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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