Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
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Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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