My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
