I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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