I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
