great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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