told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
