Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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