as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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