Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
