I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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