it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize