I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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