The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
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