I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
