you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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