Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
