my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Randomize
