I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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