the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
