Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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