I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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