come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
