I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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