I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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