Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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