That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
