Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
