Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
