best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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