I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
