Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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