I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
