The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
