I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
