So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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