I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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