i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
