You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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