did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
